Episode 20: Scar Stories Versus Wound Stories

Melissa Reaves, Story Fruition (00:01.506)
Hello and welcome back. I am Melissa Reaves. I am the founder of Story Fruition, and it is so wonderful to have you as a mind movie maker in the making. This is the podcast that we're going to be studying the science to the art form of storytelling, especially the stories that you tell for your career and your leadership. Okay? Because you are a walking-talking storybook. And you are made up of decades of events and moments.

that tested you and you sometimes crumbled and it was an horrible event maybe that you had to go through, but you made it through. You got there. Now,

We're gonna be talking about the difference between telling a story that is now a scar story. It's something where it's like a badge of honor. You know, you went through something really tough. It pushed you to your limits. You didn't think you could even get any darker, maybe, than what you were facing at that moment.

Examples could be a sudden departure of someone that you love, a marriage falling apart, a betrayal of any sort. Those are very rich human escalation stories in your own consciousness of who you are. And when told right, a scar story can be extremely healing for not just you, but also for your audience who might be on the verge of facing

something like that or they are facing like that facing that situation right now and your warrior wisdom can be completely amazing. I think that the main thing that causes a scar from a wound story is time.

Melissa Reaves, Story Fruition (02:01.258)
Is time, attention, self-reflection, journaling, therapy, walks in the woods, just reflection. Okay? And when you can kind of remove your ego from what you have experienced to really see what the universe wants you to see, now you are operating from a scar. Okay?

If you're in an event right now, okay, maybe you have your marriage just blew up and you are in it, that is a wound. That is a wound. And you're still processing it, you're still gathering data, you're still trying to figure out what the heck just happened, even though you probably know, but you're in it. And

Time has not had a chance, okay? But you need to talk about it probably. But that's what your best friend circle is for. That is what a therapist is there for. You know, those are the things that you are in a wound and it hurts. It hurts. But remember, when you're in that, you're living through a future story.

So be patient with yourself. Become aware, because now we can actually maybe even speed up some of that healing process when you realize, I'm in a lesson. I'm in a lesson. Okay. Here we go. Okay, and then however you need to work to get through that, what happens is it goes from a wound, which when a wound happens, it bleeds, it hurts, it's open, it's raw.

But then air gets to it, neosporin gets on it, that might be some wisdom words from someone who matters to you. And then it starts to scab, right? It starts to start to heal. And eventually that scab starts to get a little itchy because you're ready to like take it off and it it's gonna it's gonna be okay. And then you see a scar. Okay?

Melissa Reaves, Story Fruition (04:06.722)
So time is a key factor. But the beautiful thing about being human beings is that we have a built-in emotional guidance system. And so when you are telling a story and it's a wound and you know it, your gut will hurt. Your heart will hurt. You might even have like palpitations. You're like, your body will let you know this is too big for human consumption, like on a grand scale. All right?

I was once at the moth, and I wrote about this in my book, but we were at the moth and it was a Friday night and it was raining and everyone was gathered to hear stories and they pulled someone's name out of the hat and they said, I'll just call him Jimmy. Jimmy, you're up next. Tell your story. And he got up and he said, I'm gonna tell the story of my father's death. Now everyone in the room's like, okay, because we all, most of us, if you if you have a father

Going to think about that. It's it's bound to happen if the law of nature goes the way it is, right? and he said, I'm gonna talk about my father's death. He died on Wednesday.

And the entire room was like, What? Like like forty eight hours ago Wednesday? You know? And somehow he needed to do that, but honestly, God love him, h that that that just wasn't the forum. And the reason why was he was living it and the audience was subjected to something very raw. We could barely hear what he was saying because now everyone was just like, Are you okay? What happened? you know, like the human beings in the room were being put in a position that it was really

uncomfortable and I would even say unfair to the audience. And it was also really tough for the next storyteller to come up and have to kind of change that. Somehow he made it through his story. I can't tell you one word that he said. Not a single word. Now that was about five or six years ago. So if he were to tell that story now, where he has had the time pass and he could he can learn what his life and who he is as a man is now that his father has departed, that's a brilliant story.

Melissa Reaves, Story Fruition (06:21.36)
I hope he has told it and he's telling it now. Like that would be great because all of the swirling stuff that happens when you're living through something has calmed down. He has scabbed. He has gotten itchy. He has made the scar happen and he's found those pearls of wisdom. That's what we want. That's what we want. Now that does not mean that when you are telling a scar story,

that you still don't emotionally get moved. Like one of the stories I told on the moth was the night that my mother passed away.

Okay, I told this story though, probably I'm gonna say at least two, maybe three years after she passed away. And I was able to to take in all the different scenes because I had soul travel, you know, or I had time travel going on in the story, and there's a lot of time travel in that story. In fact, I might even link that below if you wanna see it. But by the time I told it, I was able to.

Because it was a scar that I had processed. However, to this day, even when I watch it, I still always end up in tears. I always do. Because I adored my mother and I miss her dearly. And I know she's with me, right? But it's still hard, but that doesn't make it a wound story. Okay?

Oftentimes in work that I'm doing, I'll be working with some very sensitive subject matter because the person who's gone through the trauma now has allowed time to go do its work and they're ready. They're like, you know what? I am not the only person that has faced this type of behavior or abuse, right?

Melissa Reaves, Story Fruition (08:17.71)
And when we're in sessions, I always want to make sure, are you able to talk about this? How long ago was it? Because if it happened in childhood, that means you're still carrying it. And I I'll even ask: have you had therapy? Have you worked through this? And I can tell instantly when someone's like, Yeah, I have. I'm ready. I really, my gut is telling me it's time for me to share this message so that other people who could be experiencing this who are experiencing.

This could have some sort of beacon of light of hope. And that's my story. Great. Awesome. So we will take those projects. Okay. But in that session, we have to still be very careful. You know, because when I start story mining, or when you start story mining, or if you use Missy AI and you start story mining with her, you know, you're gonna come really close.

really close and you need to pay attention to your body. Okay? And we're gonna take deep breaths and we're going to we're going to say just enough so that the mind movie is captured, we get it, without going back into it in the pain move. You know, we're not there.

And we're also not only protecting our own self and our own scar from staying a scar and not ripping it back open, but we're also honoring our audience. Because our audience, even though they might say, I want to hear this story, I relate to it, you know, either personally or through someone I love, it's still tough. It's still tough. And so if you have a message that you want to send out, and it is centered around something that would be

Considered trauma, which that's a pretty big word, right? Trauma comes everyone has had trauma. you need to use your discernment and listen to your body and you and listen to your own self say, that's too much. Pull it back. And this is again where having a storytelling coach with you can really help, right? because you get the third party who doesn't hasn't been there, doesn't know anything, and can hear it a little.

Melissa Reaves, Story Fruition (10:40.214)
little more objectively. So if you are putting together something like that, I would highly recommend in that case that you do get a partner that can be helpful to you to put that together. But once once you have like the strength to go, okay, I know how to tell this story. I'm going to tell it. I'm going to make it very vivid. The audience will feel like a fly on the wall.

To some degree, but I'm going to also protect them. You're now using the magic of what a scar story can bring, not just for yourself, but to the world. Okay. I will not ever want to see any client or any person.

having a scar story ripped back open into a wound. And I have seen that. It's really uncomfortable and it's really unfair to watch someone else want to rip it just because they're trying to get like the drama the dramatics out of it. No. No. We're healing hearts. Okay? We're not hurting them. All right. So this comes up a lot. And think about your own world.

And what you have gone through because all of these stories, from childhood to your 20s, your 30s, your 40s, all the decades that you live have their own personality type. They have their own goals and visions. And you know, in your 20s, marriage may have been like the yay! By the time you're 40, not so much, you know. So what happened in your 30s?

Those are stories. Those are moments. And in all of them, you learn how to persevere. You learn that you're much stronger than you may have even given yourself credit for. So, as I like to say, tell your stories and tell them well, and make sure.

Melissa Reaves, Story Fruition (12:52.066)
That if it's something that has once been a wound, that you have used time to your and your audience's advantage to be able to hear it and also learn and grow with you. And your story could change someone's life for the better. So I commend you. I commend you, and I hope that this was helpful. Because getting up and just

Ripping it away right in front of the audience might not serve you the way you think it is. But if you do it right, you'll change the world. Okay, that's all I have to say about that. Let me know if you have any thoughts or comments. Have you ever experienced someone who like just says way too much and just leaves you feeling lost because you that was just things you can't unsee now in your imagination? Think about that.

All right. Until our next episode. Thank you and we'll see you back here.