Episode 10: Heart-led vs Ego-led Leadership

Hello storytellers, it's good to have you here. I'm Melissa and I am ready to talk about something really, really close to my own heart. And I am going to begin this podcast with a question to you that might make you uncomfortable, some of you.

And I want you to think about yourself in business and ask, am I a heart-led leader or am I ego-led?

Let that sit with you for a sec.

What's the difference between a heart-led leader and an ego-led leader? Well, the best way that I can share and talk about this is through stories, obviously. So let me share one, and you tell me.

So it's 2018, and I have just debuted. I have just taken my idea that storytelling could be put into investor pitches and be more remembered than any stat or pie chart. And it will emotionally connect people and that's what we will remember.

And it works. The students are yelling my name out at the end of the competition, which was a business plan competition. They were like, Melissa, Melissa. And it was really lovely and unexpected. And I thought, I might be onto something.

When I hear the click, click, click, click, click, heels, and then I smell the alcohol on her breath before she even gets to the back of my head, leans into my ear and says, I don't give a fuck about their stories. I just want to know what's in it for me if I invest.

Later, this very same person started telling people, I'm an excellent storyteller. I'm an excellent public speaker. I want to be on a TEDx stage because I know everyone's going to want to hear what I have to say.

Ego-led or heart-led?

I think the world has been raised by ego-led. This three-dimensional world that we live in, that we navigate, is all about polarity. Good versus bad, red versus blue, health versus sickness, rich versus poor, all of it, everywhere we go.

And our leadership has been do.

Do, do, gotta know a plan, gotta get it done, gotta get it, gotta have your vision, we gotta do it. How much have you done today? What have you done today? Are you contributing? You're not contributing enough, so you're out.

That's ego-led leadership. That's the type of leadership that makes people feel tight, gets anxiety going, and it's not a fun place to be. And that's where you start seeing burnout.

And if you look at today, there are more entrepreneurs coming forward in the world and breaking the chains of the corporate America that, yes, you got a nice paycheck, but for what price?

A heart-led leader are refreshing. They're the ones that when they stand up, you know that they're not there for you to look at me, look at me. They're there for you to know that they see you, that they've even been there, and they're going to provide guidance to help you as you navigate through a situation.

These are what so many TEDx talks offer. You know, it's like you get on your platform, you have a message, and the really good ones are the ones that everyone can relate to.

And that, in most cases, if not all, is heart-led leadership.

Ego-led is I.

Heart-led is we.

Ego-led is do it.

Heart-led is let's find it together.

Ego is I want to go fast, so I'll go alone.

Heart-led is let's go far, so we'll go together.

That level of the heart-led leadership is where I want to bring more people like you.

You're listening to this podcast because you know that you have stories inside of you. You know that you could offer value beyond just your nine to five, right? And I applaud that.

I recently took on a new client and the subject matter that we're going to be facing is intense. It has to be walked very carefully around, but it's time for this message to be heard at this time as we as a society are looking for hope and relief and realizing that we can build what we want as a society when we use the heart-led leadership steps.

And when I'm working with her, it's one of those situations where we have to work so closely together, like are we okay with sharing that part of the story? Are we feeling as though the audience will be able to absorb it? Who are we going to be talking to and how will they receive?

That is heart-led leadership.

At one point, she said, well, I paid you so you have to deal with this. And I said, no, I could have turned this project down. I can do that. I choose who I see is aligned with the mission that I'm also headed towards, which is heart led leadership.

And when I'm working with her, I know that's exactly where she's at.

Other signs of ego-led versus heart-led are how do they act when they are in front of you as an audience member?

I had the honor of coaching a storytelling show once, and there were a few people that I would notice were a little bit newer in their career and believed like, my gosh, I'm on a stage with a microphone and everyone has to listen to me.

And then they start walking and kind of flailing around the stage as if like that's what they believe a successful speaker does.

And I had to break the myth.

I had to let them know that's not really working.

You don't want to be contrite. You want to be deliberate. You want to be connected. You want to move organically so that the audience is with you on every move because they're picking up on it.

That's the difference between more of an ego-led, not necessarily, I'm not saying a bad person, but it's ego-led.

They can definitely switch it. And I saw that.

I saw one who said, well, you know, get a public speaker on stage and we don't meet a mic we don't like, and we want to be on stage because we want people to see us.

And I stopped that person right then and there and I said, careful, that is ego-led leadership. We want to be heart-led leaders.

And your story that you're going to share in this show is so relatable. It's so funny. And you're doing a great job delivering it, but make sure you are connecting with the audience because your words and your experience are going to help them either dodge that experience too or realize they're in it and then can have steps on how to get out of it.

So you're providing a service through sharing this message.

And I saw her switch.

I saw her realize, my gosh, I actually am helping people. It's not about me. It's about what I have to bring to others.

Heart-led leadership.

So if you're an ego-led leader right now, it's OK.

Catch it.

Learn from it.

Think about like I was an ego-led leader too at some points in my career.

You know, you get caught up in the system, you gotta have goals, you gotta do this or you didn't do enough and you're out.

I had to do that, I had to be that.

Like it was all there.

But when you feel, when you meet someone who's really good, then you know.

And really good meaning like they're connecting with you, they see you, they ask you questions, they care, they know about your family, they know your birthday's coming.

And you know theirs, it becomes this reciprocal relationship.

Isn't that really the world we want to build?

Isn't it that the world that like, let's do a vision story right now as far as heart-led leadership is?

I want to see a world where it isn't an I focus, it's a we.

It isn't look at me, it's let's build something together.

It's respect.

It's celebration of our diversity.

Thank God.

And as we get to know more and more of us as a species, we are only getting stronger.

And it's not about who makes the most money.

It's communal.

And basic needs are covered.

Because why are we spending so much just to exist on a planet that we were born into?

We got to get that fixed.

And so those are vision stories that have a heart led energy.

Now there is a place that's called the Heart Math Institute and they have done a lot of research on the power of the heart and they have said that the heart is an energetic source and it is so much stronger than people realize.

And like they did studies where someone would lead from their heart and do a meditation towards another group of people and then they would measure their magnetic fields and they had altered.

They had changed from that one person's energy going out there.

So the point is is that the heart is not just an attitude.

It's an energetic force field.

And so when we use it the way it's meant to be used and we do that when we're telling stories that are from our heart with the audience from our heart and back into theirs, we're unstoppable.

So people kind of look at me and they're like, oh, so you're a storytelling coach. Isn't that cute?

They don't realize that I wasn't just finding stories for pitches.

I'm finding stories for people to transform.

To become the best that they can be.

Because when they realize and they put all these little dots together of their life and they realize who they are now, they find their own stories, fruition.

It's powerful.

And it's why I'm getting up every single day.

So I hope this makes you think.

So this week, I want you to think about a few things.

Maybe before you go into a meeting, if you're leading it, take a minute.

See your team there and say something from your heart.

I want to have a productive meeting that inspires people.

I want to hear a great idea.

Practice heart-led leadership.

If you see someone being disregarded, ignored, maybe even bullied, step in.

There’s a story in my book called The Bathroom Warrior.

A young girl named Louisa sees a little girl being bullied in a bathroom.

She steps in.

She defends her.

And in that moment, both of them walk out different people.

Years later, Louisa dedicates her life to helping immigrants.

That’s heart-led leadership.

So you’ll be hearing a lot from me about this.

We all have it.

We just got caught in systems that taught us to compete instead of unify.

That’s it for this week.

Thanks for coming in.

Please like, comment, and share.

Let’s build momentum.

I appreciate you and have a great week.