Episode 21: Failure Stories and Personal Growth

Melissa Reaves: 
Well, hello, mind movie makers. It's Melissa, and we're back with another week to talk about the science of the art form of storytelling. So

Thank you. I got a lot of really great feedback from people who listened to our last episode about scar stories versus wound stories. it's a very important subject matter. And I used a lot of personal stories that might affect a person. I used more instead of work stories, I I I used more like divorce stories, loss of someone that they love, something that can be really sad and and traumatic in that those kind of grieving.

ways. And they are very rich, but they are oftentimes, well, they start off as wounds and then they heal with time and then they can become scar stories that you're ready to tell. Okay? You're ready to tell because you've let time heal the pain. Okay? Just like if you had a cut. It's gonna be bleeding, then it's gonna scab, and then it's gonna scar. Okay. But the scar then becomes

The story. We actually use this in improv. We do scar stories from the audience all the time. We ask them to tell us about a story, you know, a scar that they have on their body. that's not too traumatic. And and we always get these great stories, and then we recreate their stories, we're inspired by it in some sort of genre, like we might do it in Shakespeare or make it a musical. It's it's it's really fun. so scar stories can also be little sources of humor in your own life as well. Okay, but today I want

I wanted to talk about failure stories. Okay, I think that spins off a little bit. When were moments where you went from being the hero to the zero? Alright? When when did you mess up? Alright? And what did you learn about yourself and as a leader?

Melissa Reaves, Story Fruition (02:03.266)
What did you learn about your own character? Because when we mess up and we try to point the finger at something and we know that three are pointing right back at ourselves, that can hurt. That can sting. You feel like foolish, embarrassed, like, why wasn't I thinking of like that? Like I can't even believe I fell for that. You know, I got lots of lots of those stories that I've put out online. You can look them up. They're quite funny. and I've got another one and I and I want

To talk about it because when you as a leader are sharing a failure story, what's happening to the audience? Okay, it's always about the audience. The person or persons that you are sharing this story with of your own mess up, you become human. You become real and relatable. You become magnetic because you're not being false.

You're being authentic because you're ready to admit that you have made made a mess up and here's what you'll learn from it. Okay? So an example of one for mine would be this, okay? So here's it's story time from Melissa. Okay. So it's January 2nd, 2019, and I'm on the phone, and I am

livid. I I mean I am I am I I I actually have anger tears starting to stream down my face. And the reason being is that I'm actually getting fired. And I'm getting fired from a job that I absolutely hate. I hate it. I H A T E underline bold. You know like it I don't like it. But I'm I've been hitting burnout for a while. I've been in ad tech for almost 20 years.

And it's not the same. I've done it. And y you can tell that I'm burning out. A client would ask me like, what's your conversion rate for our ad campaign? I'm like, I don't know.

Melissa Reaves, Story Fruition (04:10.946)
Don't know, don't care. probably, you know, let me guess, one of our huge competitors is claiming that they're the victor because why? They're probably cheating, right? And I was tired of being the only woman in tech in most rooms. I was tired of mansplaining. I was tired of data dumping on audiences because we would be selling technology and we would have slides that do everything I preach against today. Like we were just data dumping.

on them and you could just see the audience's eyes just gloss over. And that's hard. Yeah, I mean they paid really well and I I had a great experience for so so long and I believed in what I was doing. But after a while, when it became everyone was doing it, it was no longer as fun. And all that other stuff I just mentioned started to come up. So when he fires me, it's like a pink slip to my freedom and I don't know it yet.

Now, that's an inciting event to get fired. What am I gonna do? At the time, I'm 53 years old, and I have already been kind of interviewing myself, knowing I hated this job, not realizing I hated all of the the career at that point.

And all the managers who were in the hiring position now because they were rising stars were either Mike, Brian, or Ryan. And and they were the same guy, just different plaid shirt, you know? And they were in their early thirties and they would look at me and know that I could technically, biologically, be their mother. They also knew that I probably wasn't going to go to the to the to the sports bar and drink beers with them and talk sports, like that's

Probably not gonna happen because I actually have two kids in in in school. You know, I have one in college and I have one that's trying to get out of high school and graduate on time. And so I'm not thinking about the same things that they have. There's a lot that's on my shoulders now at this stage in life. And I'm newly divorced, so that's cool. And anyways, it's a dark time in life, to say the least. So what am I gonna do? I'm

Melissa Reaves, Story Fruition (06:29.652)
I'm a mess. I'm an absolute mess. But one of the things that I did like about my work was I did like the presentation part. I did like presenting new ideas. And I was good at that because it was vision stories. And I knew most people couldn't do it. Like most of them talked in tech speak, and you could see the audience is just losing it. And the I in the data dumping, my God, it was driving me crazy.

And I had been test driving this whole idea that maybe we should have more storytelling in business presentations. And I started working with Seattle University's Business Plan Competition, and we rolled the idea out. And the students loved it. They absolutely loved it. And so maybe that's something I would like to do full-time. And that's what happens when you hit the wall. You come crashing down and you have to pick up the pieces.

And an entrepreneur not only picks up the pieces, but they get into their own boat. And my boat

was a canoe. And I started this idea and I cr created story fruition with an idea that I could become an executive storytelling coach. Not knowing that that would then turn into a workshop facilitator of my own of my own IP. Not knowing that that would turn into a book and a companion journal. Not knowing it'd become an i a an online course that people can purchase. And then it became a

podcast. And if you had said to me seven years ago when I came up with this idea when I was in my darkest place, you'll also have an AI where the computer will sound just like you because she's trained in your book. It's gonna be awesome.

Melissa Reaves, Story Fruition (08:23.776)
If I had known all that, I wouldn't have been scared at all. But I didn't allow myself to get scared. Even when I wanted to be. I was like, just keep going. And I would I would have a mantra, oars in. Be in my boat, trust I'm in the river of life, and just start going where it leads me. And that's how it did. It led me to the book. It led me to the course. Okay. And getting fired.

actually was the pink slip to my freedom.

So if you are right now going through a major career change, there's a lot of people who are, you know, losing jobs in tech, right? And they've got to think about what's next for them. They could go down the regular road and that would be fine. I tried it, right? But some of you might be entrepreneurs. I've I hear from other entrepreneurs because of the power of using technology that we could be seeing many, many companies that are billing a hundred million dollars and

It's only 10 people, but they're automating everything. They're using their AI agents to help them create a new thing in the world. So, yes, we are losing jobs right now, and it is a dark period. Even more reason for you to be thinking, what is it that you love? Because those will be the stories that you tell. What do you love and what stories will you tell?

And get into your own boat. And yours doesn't have to be a canoe, it could be whatever boat you want. But just trust that the waters will carry you forward. Because it will. All right. That's a failure story. That's a zero to hero story. There's transformation.

Melissa Reaves, Story Fruition (10:21.452)
You know, I go from a darkness to curiosity, to hope, to knowing. You know, if I hadn't gotten fired, I wouldn't be doing what I do today. Right? So

As you're figuring out what your next chapter is in the storybook of life that you're writing, grab a notebook, write down the elements of what you love, what matters to you, what do you value? Because there are new startups coming all the time. And I gotta say, the startup energy is really fun. You know, I mean, when you have a vision and people are investing in your idea and you're out there explaining something that may not even exist, or it's so broken.

That everyone's going crazy, and you need to be the one that solves the problem of the brokenness, or it's ready for the next level, right? It's ready for the next level, and you've got the idea to make it happen. That's exciting. And it all takes storytelling skills. So think about your life. This will be your homework. I want you to think about your life, what you love, what you value.

What brings you joy so that you're not going to work.

You're getting up every day with a spring in your step because there's something going on within your own internal storytelling that says, I've got I've I've got great ideas. I know how to get things done. I'm incr incredibly organized. I I can multitask like there's no one's business, you know? Everyone's gonna have unique skills. All right. But those could be pointing you to the next thing. Or it could be enhancing your current thing, but making it even more fun because you're

Melissa Reaves, Story Fruition (12:10.412)
Starting to open up that hey, I'm a walking talking storybook. Melissa tells me that all the time. Because you are. And I'm gonna think about my own stories and I'm going to use them, and even if even if I fail. Because if I tell a fail, I a fail story, it's gonna work for me. Because I'm gonna help people realize you're not the only ding dong in the in the in the basket sometimes. I did it too. And then maybe you'll even prevent them from going through their own adventure in learning who they are.

Or maybe a little easier. Maybe you'll make it a little smoother for them because you were able to give them a little runway of understanding. Because you told a great story about your own failures. So I even will leave this. Are there failures? Or are they just ways not to make a light bulb? That's what Thomas Edison said. I learned 999 ways of how not to make a light bulb.

I'm probably paraphrasing, but something like that. I've always you know I've always liked it. So

That's it. I want you to think about that. And then don't be afraid. Don't be afraid to think that through and then use the tools I'm teaching you. Go get the book if you don't have it. But learn that that story is you. Where are you? Where are you in life? How old are you? you're the character, what's your state of mind? You saw in mine, I was like pissed, angry, hurt, upset. and then I go to curious. So we want

To see the journey of your transformation and then characters show up, show up in your story, and how do they help lead your journey? Okay, have fun with that. Those are good stories to put in your library. All right, until the next episode. we will be here thinking about stories, telling stories, and hopefully you are too. So tell your stories and tell them well. All right.